Ili and Kay

Ileana, Ili, and Ilene (the name I held onto) has been a part of the O'Brien family for 50 years. I recall our first meeting when she and Dan, as college students, came into my parents' home quite wet after a rainy hike. Later, Dan told me what he liked about her - "she's a good sport." My response: "Well, that's because she goes along with your crazy ideas." And, she generally continued to do so - they always were an adventurous and well-matched pair! But, Ilene had her own strong ideas, too - bright as could be and able to figure out machines, computers, directions, itineraries - whatever came before her. It seemed she never encountered something she couldn't fix.

There she was at Dorothy's 75th jubilee untangling a computer malfunction; there she was, home in Ellicott City, guiding Dan to his under-construction house in Lewes when he, Mary Irene, and I were lost somewhere in Delaware; and there she was getting my vacuum underway again.

My sister-in-law was (and is) integral to our family and that came to include scores of O'Brien and Townsell aunts and uncles and cousins. Ilene participated in the relatives' frequent visits here, and she and Dan visited them in such places as Paso Robles and Buffalo and Chicago. When I think of family, the most special thing Ilene did was to give us Bri and Tess, her precious legacy, which made our family ever so much more complete and heightened the fun we all had when we gathered. Perhaps most significantly for me, Ilene was the first O'Brien to welcome Daniel - in the delivery room. From then till now, his view is that Ilene is amazing. One reason for that may be that Ilene thought that "Dumb and Dumber" was as hilarious as he thought it - and it was pretty hilarious observing the two of them watching it. That describes but one moment in their bond.

Through the years, and for so many reasons, Ilene was the best sister-in-law to me and Mary Irene. And, similarly, her connection to Irene and Dan was lovely to behold. They cared for her and she cared for them - and how she loved announcing that for one year of her married life she lived in her in-law's basement. That certainly sounded pathetic, but what a special time that was for all.

I have countless memories of movie and pizza nights at Hobnail, holiday gatherings and family celebrations there and at Talbots Landing and on Capitol Hill, many vacations at the Outer Banks (where, on occasion, she'd rescue our father from the Williamsburg Pottery Factory and they'd drive home together ahead of the "shoppers"), or just sitting around for meals and laughs and lively conversations.

I must note that not all was bliss. One event stands out for me. Dan, Ilene, and I set out on a day's hike up Old Rag. The relevant question, of course, is why they took the likes of me, but, anyway, Ilene grabbed the lunch she'd made and off we went to scale the mountain. At the peak, we sat down for a coveted lunch, which turned out to be a head of cabbage! The desired lunch was safely in the refrigerator in Ellicott City.

Much later, when the adventurous duo embarked for other parts - aka, Lewes, Delaware (against my wishes), I was delighted and surprised that we had lots of time together - they were back and forth, even U-turn one-day visits to Capitol Hill and what I considered fabulous stays at Golden Sunrise Place. We'd sit about and Ilene would place "O'Brien-craved"clam dip and other treats, including her speciality chocolate bites, before us. As much as I loved those visits, with beach excursions, walks, and an incredible number of dining out times, Mary Irene more than reveled in those visits, which we all know were never long enough. Sometimes on those visits we'd go to our respective corners and read our books. Ilene introduced me to Mary Higgins Clark and other mystery writers; each Christmas I'd search for gifts for her and occasionally wondered if a selection might be a repeat. But, often from those corners, we'd go back to chatting. Those special times in recent years may have come about because one-by-one we retired and went on to other endeavors with freer schedules. What a delight it was when Dan and Ilene would appear on my doorstep and she'd say, "Give me a hug."

Looking back I think about their wedding where I read their selected poem, "The Lake Isle of Innisfree" by William Butler Yeats.

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dripping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,

I hear it in the deep heart's core.

They found that peace certainly - and that they shared with their family and friends.

Without exception, Ilene was there for all the family happenings - the joyous ones, the smaller mundane ones, and those that were harder to bear. So, I just assumed Ilene and I would have many more adventures, misadventures, laughs, conversations (sometimes revolving around our teasing of Dan), hugs, significant and supportive times, and years together. With sadness - and happiness - I'm holding onto 50 years filled with an abundance of treasured moments.